I Wonder?????

You may be wondering where we've been over the last year.  It was a sobering experience logging back on to this site after a year of dormancy and seeing "Her name was Miriam Louise".  It all seems so close, yet so far away, just like Saturday, March 3rd, the assigned due date for Tie-Tee Tot.

A picture of our family Luke drew early on in the school year sharing the good news with Mrs. Suba and others soon after our announcement to the family.

I've had a few inquiries as to why "Tie-tee Tot". Losing Miriam shed new light on many aspects of our life and being pregnant brought the attention back to the tiny person many times over.  In the past, we had used numbers to refer to the child in utero not knowing whether they were a boy or girl.  Looking back, I'm disappointed at our lack of creativity with Augustine as #2 and Clement as #3.  Truth be told...Pete and I called #2 A.J. in private ;-).  We broke the mold a little with "I.V." (pronounced eye-vee) but still closely linked as roman numeral representation for "four".  Some may see the connection of IV to Peter Vincent now and consider re-guessing Peter's girl name as there is a similar connection. And to lay it all out there, Miriam Louise was actually the girl name we had picked out for Clement, and Aunt Debbie and Uncle Matt would have been #3's Godparents had it been a girl.  We haven't reconsidered any of the other girl names we selected for the other boys, and hesitated to do so with Miriam Louise but there was a  vivid moment in the early stages of pregnancy in the short time between taking the pregnancy test and being rushed in for emergency surgery where I was upstairs near our bedroom where there was a great sense of joy as I lay my hand on my belly and thought, "Are you our Miriam Louise?"

All this being said, "Tie-tee Tot" is not really connected to the names we have picked out . It  took us much longer to settle on names this time.  Miriam made the number schematic a little tricky.   Do we go for something related to five as if Miriam never existed or skip right to six thus bringing recollection for us and questioning to others as they count and recount the stair steps of moving bodies lined up next to us?

Tie-tee Tot arose from the method of announcing our pregnancy which came later than we had hoped because of a miss-click of the mouse in ordering a homemade storybook which featured a variety of characters in the form of Mr. and Mrs. Potato head and their offspring.  Consequently, Tot was chosen.  I may have slipped up once and said Tater Tot instead of Tie-Tee Tot which Clement got a big kick out of.  We didn't want Tater Tot though and Tiny Tot didn't seem like a good choice considering Peter Vincent weighed in around 11lbs. on his birthday.  Pete and I had enjoyed a wonderful date night at home with the contents of our Try the World box which included Thai tea and may, or may not, have brought about the existence of our newest family member (blush, blush).

Thus, Tie-Tee Tot is soon to be born.  

Me working on the blog post with uninstalled new infant carseat alongside and Peter V. unawares of the full extent of the changes coming soon.  New booster seats arrived and were assembled today as well.  Gotta figure out how to fit the whole gang into Viceroy.

I've been wondering... are you a boy or a girl?  Will you arrive early? on time? please....not ten days late!?!?  Despite the total lack of baby bump photos and reports of pregnancy processes I guess I better give others a shot at the game of guessing your name???  It is rather fun and it helps make the wait a bit more bearable.   If you want to return back to some of the guesses from previous pregnancies, check out these posts:

Let the Games Begin
Calling all guessers of Peter's Successors

Luke's guess.  Hoping to share a birthday it seems...

Augustine's guess- a bit more "colorful" if you ask me ;-)

Your guess should include:

A.) Baby's name (first and middle)
B.) Boy? or Girl? (Let's face it folks, given the names and trends of the times it's not as easy to distinguish male/female based on name choice)
C.) Proposed birthdate
D.) Weight and Length
E.) Any other tidbits, advice, or anecdotes you choose to add.

Clement's guess.

O' Clement!

Side shot of "Tie-Tee Tot" measurements, according to the midwives seem to be "right on".  Peter pointed to Feb. 28th on the calendar.  When asked "boy or girl?" he said "gurr" but he also tends to repeat the last word you say to him.  He said "Bay-BEE" and hit my belly.

The boys all keep referring to Tie-Tee Tot as a "him" to which I gently remind them "It could be a girl".  I'll admit I'm a little more open to the change/challenge of a girl this time around.  Clement is sure that the baby has a penis, 'cuz he just knows. And since the new carseat we ordered has a boy on the front Tie-tee Tot has to be a boy according to Augustine.  Pete's sticking to "girl" which he's guessed every time.

I look forward to hearing from you and am grateful for any prayers you may have to offer in these last few weeks. 

"I am woman, hear me roar." One of the few photos I have of Tie-Tee Tot and me "together".  Happy to have made it to and through the "Rock Solid" Confirmation retreat last weekend with 30 7th and 8th graders.  Here's to prayers of strength and courage during childbirth!

Her name was Miriam Louise.

I am still recovering but have come a long way from nearly one week ago today.  On Sunday, February 5th I awoke at 2 or 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom two times in close succession.  I eventually drifted back off to sleep despite further grumblings in my belly. 
You see, on Monday, January 30th I had taken a home pregnancy test after multiple "hot mama" basal body temperature readings that are part of the Natural Family Planning routine.  I served up the pee stick wrapped in a towel next to Pete's second dose of steaming morning coffee- a usual treat enjoyed with a little more peace after returning from delivering the big boys to school and mustering the courage to face the commute to Youngstown and another traditional, but not, work week ahead.

"It's very early on so we should continue to pray and monitor the situation." I said as Pete unwrapped the gift, the wave of confusion blossomed into sheepish joy as he double checked the results.

  "Two lines. That means we're pregnant. We'll continue to monitor the situation?"

"Yes.  It's very early on." I repeated as he pulled me in for a hug and the emotions washed over us both.  The joy.  The hope.  The love.  The fear.  The awe and responsibility attached to sharing in God's marvelous creation.  The intimate secret of life where two become one.  A One. An Only. A unique, unrepeatable, precious child.  Alternating currents of worry and wonder hidden amidst the glow of the knowing and the unknown.

Feelings much preferred to the agony of Sunday.

I stayed in bed not unlike other Sundays taking advantage of my husband's inability to sleep in.  Giving the boys the opportunity for some "guy" time and mommy the opportunity of some alone time was only minutely speckled with guilt having survived Pete's added full Saturday work day from dawn til' dusk the day before.  The alone time drifted into laziness which transformed into, "UH.  I need to lay back down" after experiencing some lightheadedness on a bathroom run.  The pillow won out over breakfast and sleep won out over shower.  Sleep bought me some time, or stole it, as I have minimal recollection of time as the day passed on.

 Pete shepherded the children, tackling the dreaded task of getting them dressed.  Even knowing how much he despised the chore I could not gather the strength to get out of bed.  A dull ache settled in my clavicles and the discomfort of staying in one position too long coaxed me to shift to my opposite side. Doing so, however, brought on intense shudders of pain as my breath was stolen away and my intercostals contracted sharply producing moans, whimpers, and gasping, inaudible prayers.

Pete checked on me periodically.  I'm not sure how much of my condition he saw, heard, or chose to acknowledge. I can't even remember how many of the "episodes" I had myself.  He focused primarily on the boys, took them to Bible School and Mass on his own, fed them lunch, settled some in for naps, brought me a banana and kiwi at some point and lay Peter by my side to nurse in between episodes.  He sent my mom messages of me not feeling well amidst her inquiries of plans for the ensuing Super Bowl gathering.  At ten minutes to three I surrendered hope of the hurt miraculously disappearing and put the problem into someone else's hands as I texted Pete. "Hospital".

He called his mom over to take care of the boys and I dreaded the thought of moving my body out of bed, let alone into the car fearful of another "attack".  I told Pete I was afraid.  I leaned on him to stand up and was enveloped by a warm black haze as I drifted to the floor near our bedroom doorway and listened in darkness as Pete called the paramedic.

Benson helped usher me down the stairs and onto the gurney that waited at our front door.  The Lord was merciful in transport despite the uneven brick roads.  I faced the interrogation of multiple strangers.  They learned about our baby.  Our special blessing that even those closest to us were yet to know.  I wished they would stop talking about the baby...  Held on to the possibility of appendicitis... Prayed that I could be the subject of their giggles as they administered the chalky dose of strong antacids and said, "silly lady, it's just a case of bad gas."

Mike at the ER talked us through some of the possibilities as he inserted the IV, gave me some morphine, and took my blood pressure and samples to assess.  I waited patiently to be seen by the doctor and relaxed as the pain stayed away. Figures. I get to the hospital and the pain goes away.  We'll have to pay a ridiculous amount for the emergency transport. I'll look like a stupid, weak woman that will have to sit here for another three hours to hear from the doctor that it is, in fact, gas.  BUT, the baby will be okay. 

Grrrrrrr....AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe! 

Moisture welled in the corner of my eyes, my body so wrenched by pain it couldn't even muster the strength to produce a tear heavy enough to fall.

Mike returned promptly and calmly as well as a following of women. One with the weighted blanket and x-ray machine pointed at my chest another with the ultrasound apparatus, screen turned from my sight.  I looked up to catch an angle.  I couldn't see anyway.  I didn't want to see. Another woman joined the first ultrasound tech, repositioned the screen to hide the evidence from us completely and mumbled incomplete sentences to the first.  They asked me to lift my right arm. I did, inhaled shallowly through clenched teeth, and moaned. Doctor coming soon. Surgery.  Life-threatening. Rupture. Remove. 1-2% of pregnancies. Do you plan to have any more children?

I was wheeled to another area. Met more strangers. Answered their questions.  Some were tougher than others.  I told them, "just cut it" as they met the barrier of my tank top- the last flimsy, yet insurmountable impediment to surgery which would have otherwise required moving my arms.

The sisters believe...
The doctor will need to know...
Whatever you want...
I have to ask...
A memorial...
I know it's tough...
I have to ask...
What to do with the baby?

My body seized, my being screamed as they moved me across rollers to the operating table.  I coughed through layers of thick mucus  in my chest that grew heavier by the second.  I was escorted by the ringing in my ears, that the anesthesiologist assured me was natural, from one world of pain into the next.

I awoke in another area accompanied by Pete.  They had needed to make a second incision and remove two liters of blood.  I still have both of my ovaries but they removed the baby, about the size of a poppy seed, as well as the fallopian tube on my right side. I hurt.  I missed my babies. I wasn't sure if, or how, I would handle "takin' it easy" as I returned home.  I met more strangers, some more likeable than others, and answered more of their questions.  I accepted pain meds knowing full well there was a layer of pain they wouldn't make go away.

I am healing.  There are scars- some more visible than others.  We are so very, very blessed by our family that helped care for our precious little people as we recouped our strength. We were graced by the Cheshire grin and skeezit hair of Clement Zechariah through the window as we returned home and the nervous laughter of Peter Vincent as the real-deal milk makin' mama met his gaze.  Pete was mom, dad, bus driver, husband, cook, wash-maid, Mr. Fixit, nurse, and more. The Maione's were welcome company that partied with me, Clement, Peter and my in-laws providing a formidable feast and much needed conversation acknowledging the baby. I laughed a little about the bottle of wine still unopened in the refrigerator that I had bought the night before taking the pregnancy test, of course.  I didn't mind answering the questions spoken and unspoken, sharing the story with NON-strangers. I thanked God for His presence in our midst and a love that is sustaining and forgiving.

A package arrived from Philadelphians steeped with warmth and timeliness. I received the message of a sister-in-law who mentioned the baby and offered her prayers and was genuinely present to talk amidst the craziness that is life. The check-up from my oldest, favoritest brother that provided a deer roast, cooked before Tuesday, and possibly, just maybe a bucket of Red Vines added a nice touch.  On Friday, we got a surprise visit from my not-so baby brother Andrew bearing gourmet leftovers including homemade, stuffed-crust pizza, cheesecake with strawberry topping, chili and more. 

As a medical student with a surgery of his own in the recent weeks, Uncle Andy and I talked science, and society, and dollars and sense, and nonsense, and humanity. He helped clean up the wallpaper I tore from the walls. Mom and dad stopped by to offer kisses and hugs with softest cheeks ever, cutting the chill of the night with high heels and Valentines. 

Andy stayed a little longer and embraced me with another real hug where I was finally ready to offer words that only Pete and I had shared to that point, "Say a prayer for Miriam Louise. Her name was Miriam Louise"

Yes, Andy, it's biblical. Translated as "star of the sea" or "sea of bitterness" or maybe even "wished-for child".

Eternal Rest, grant unto Miriam, Oh Lord.
And may perpetual light shine upon her.

Don't tell mom...

I didn't make my bed one day this week. sshhhhhhhh!!

Awwwwwwww,

I know.  Living on the wild side.

It may not come as a surprise but with a new house, four young boys, a husband, part-time job, and all else that life entails there are times when I feel pulled in a million different directions without a glimmer of hope that I will ever catch up.

The to-do list extends on to infinity.  But what is more important?  Infinity or Eternity? Busy or Blessed?

And although it made me a little antsy and an unmade bed will likely be a rarity in my house (if I have anything to say about it) it's important to reflect on what REALLY matters and thank God for his many gifts, wonders, challenges and graces He bestows.  And just so we don't forget there is that promise of the eternal banquet better than ALL the bacon, and ALL the ice cream, and ALL the hot wings, and ALL the broccoli you could ever eat.




Wingfoot Lake State Park Playground (1/22)



Three cheers for picnics in January!

Pete all up in dat grill

It's a bird. It's a plane. No! It's a rocket ship! (Actually, it's the blimp)

Peter Vincent a week away from 8 months

Everyone thinks he's so shy, but watch out for Clement Z!

Soon to be six Luke

The One. The Only.

Peter Vincent.

I haven't officially googled the name which will likely return kadrillion results.  But as an sane mother would purport,  I am undoubtedly, 100% right in saying that my son is totally special and unique.

Mostly, I mean to clear up any question or confusion that the previously known IV is NOT,  I repeat - NOT a junior.

We knew we didn't want to name the first son after his father. That's too much specialness for one small child.  Luke was our firstborn and the first grandchild on my side.  Even though Peter made our list of names early on we allowed it to simmer for a bit.  Truth be told, Clement was going to be Peter until Daddy-O won me over in his argument for Clement for the boy name all before the 20th week of gestation.

Peter was worth waiting for in more ways than one.  When he finally arrived 10 days after his due date

Yes.  Praising God for a natural birth, med free, without Pitocin!!!!! woohoo! 

I was pretty grumpy on Sunday- Mothers' Day.  I was lector at Mass and certainly grateful for being a mom but pretty crabby since IV was still in utero.  Pete was awesome and kept Luke, Augustine, and Clement busy for much of the afternoon mulching and planting flowers in our front flowerbeds.  For the evening we headed over to Pete's parents' house.  I had been experiencing "crampiness" of sorts throughout the day but nothing that seemed to last longer than 10 seconds and certainly nothing consistent.

 We left my in-laws about 9:30pm got the boys in bed at home where Pete promptly fell asleep on the couch and I started feeling some tightness across my lower back .  At 10:57 pm I decided to actually pay attention to how long the tightness lasted which had now consisted of back and abdominal contractions.  By 11:15 pm the contractions were lasting nearly a minute and less than 5 minutes apart.  I called my mom at 11:42 pm.  I was on my way down the driveway on my way to our car when she arrived.  I paused halfway down to wait out a contraction.  We arrived at the hospital at 12:22am.  Checked-in got settled in the bed and hooked up to the monitors.  The nurse told me to tell her when the contraction ended so she could check me.  (moment of truth)

Music to my ears 9 and a half cms!!!!   I was worried I'd get there and still have hours of laboring to go but the nurse hurried out of the room saying" I'm going to call the appropriate people." and explained to the other nurse coming in to cut the admittance questionnaire short.  The nurse came back in to inform me that the midwife on call lived a ways away and might not make it for the delivery.  They introduced me to the attending physician who seemed TOTALLY uninterested in delivery the baby.

I can say that Pitocin free labor was much less painful than the contractions I had with the other boys.  In fact,  even though I felt the rectal pressure/urge to push I was hesitant to do so because the contractions did not seem that strong to me.  Figuring I would wait for a good- hard contraction so I wouldn't spend all night with non-productive pushes served well in buying more time for the midwife to arrive.

Contractions=not so bad

Pushing phase definitely more intense/painful than my other birthing experiences.  Then again, Peter was 2.5 pounds heavier than Augustine and Clement and his shoulders are more broad across the chest.

So I guess 3 and a half hours of labor ain't so bad.   Quite the reward at the end.

Grandma Angie's inspection

I'm not so crazy about this photo as it doesn't highlight my finest features, although cut me some slack people, I just pushed out a nearly eleven pound baby less than two days prior!!  What I love though, is Augustine glowing with pride and Clement's studious gaze as he inspects his new baby brother and ponders what it might mean for him.

Peter's cord fell off sooner than the other boys but we had other issues to deal with early on.  Because of his size they monitored his blood sugar levels for the first 30 hours after birth concerned about diabetes.  His numbers were stellar every time so they actually stopped poking him for blood samples earlier than the usual 48 hours.  Still while in the hospital he deferred during his hearing test.  This called for a follow-up at Akron Childrens' to do another type of screening to rule out early onset hearing loss that may be caused by a virus and thus preventable.  After the two hour session he was clear on all counts and there's been no further concern about his hearing since.

The on call pediatrician also sent an EKG to the specialists and our pediatrician but again no reason for further concern.  The pediatrician was very nice and thorough calming our fears in explaining that the not-so-tiny child was working quite hard to assimilate to the new environment out side of the womb and it might take a little bit of time for all the systems to get into gear.  Peter Vincent is most certainly "into gear" now: listening intently to choo choos in the distance, snapping to attention at the sound of his name, joining into loud conversation in his own language to make sure his voice is heard, pulling himself up and scooching furniture across the floor, clapping his hands when we mention patty-cake, figuring out the intricacies of the itsy bitsy spider and sampling foods like a champ.

Oh gosh! They are such good big brothers.  I am particularly enjoying watching Clement and Peter build their relationship.  Clement does his best to keep up with Luke and Augustine but they enjoy teaming up against the poor little dude.  I can only imagine the amount of mischief Clement and Peter will get into together and likely find their own way to tease Luke and Augustine.

Riding in style.  Viceroy's precious cargo.

Peter's a bit more blondie now. And practically ready for kindergarten.

All Truckered Out

Clement seemed amply engaged by his book so I went in to the other room to change Peter's diaper.  Mid change I happened to notice how quiet things had gotten.  I put on Peter's diaper cover and held off on the clothes to go check on Clement.  Here's what I discovered:

If only it were that easy tonight.  Despite the slightly slurred proposition from Clement this evening as we returned from our day out of doors, "I think my body is telling me I need a nap." He is currently the last son standing. Clement is in a weird in between phase that he could probably still use a nap but if I don't catch him at precisely the right time it takes him an hour to actually close his eyes.  Truth be told we've all been thrown for a loop with the move to the new house.  With the move we also transitioned Clement to a big boy bed, although some nights he prefers the floor.  This wouldn't be such a biggie until he insists that mommy or daddy joins him there at 3am.  Oh well, it gives us the opportunity to reminisce of our younger years and to be in solidarity with those youth ministers out there that spend nights on gymnasium floors or primitive campsites for mission trips and/or retreats.  Hooray for redemptive suffering.

As evident by the background of most of these pictures we were still at Spangler and I am ridiculously behind on blog updates.  Below are Luke and Augustine NOT on their first day of school.  Luke was aggravated this evening about the distance home that is ever so slightly farther than what we had to our old house and pointed out that there are only 3 things about our new house he likes.
1. our bigger yard 2. our friends in our neighborhood and 3. the playroom .

Admittedly there are some things I miss about Spangler too- like being able to clean the place top to bottom in the matter of ninety minutes or so.  The bus transportation is the other.  Being in Plain Local they bussed both Luke AND Augustine as a preschooler.  No such luck with Canton City.  Consequently, on the days Augustine goes to school three days a week we must drop off and pick-up eliminating one of Augustine's favorite things about school (the bus ride).  If all goes well he'll be able to join in the fun next year as a kindergartener which I've got to get crackin' on because technically he misses the cutoff by 5 days.  Here's to contacting the principal and setting up a screening/assessment.

Luke thoroughly enjoys school and is tuckered out by the end of the day as well.  He is quite fond of his teacher, Mrs. Zenobi, who he recently invited over to our house for homemade pizza and drew a wonderful picture of with her colorful necklace on one of his worksheets about his friends.  He was selected to be part of a speech class at the beginning of the year to work on his "c", "k" and "g" sounds which have improved greatly.  He rang a red bell like mad at the Christmas concert where mommy, daddy, grandma and grandpa Schafer were all quite impressed by the musical showcase of all the children at the school between the bells, chimes, percussion and rhythmic motions.  As parents we are losing the edge as Luke cracks the code in our spelling communications across the table.  At home he's not so fond of sitting down to read books all the time but his reading is coming along as he continues to expand his sight word recognition.

Augustine likes to brag that he doesn't do any work.  He just plays ;-).  He has a different teacher than Luke had for preschool and no written homework like Luke had on a weekly basis. He can give Luke a run for his money though as we go through letter recognition and flashcards.  Despite the frequent wailings of Clement, "I want to go to school!" he is stuck at home with mommy and Peter.  We sing and dance a lot during the day and play monster truck in the basement while folding laundry. He likes to wear Pete's intramural hockey helmet and instruct me on how to help assemble the monster truck (the folding table).  He is the driver of course.

Don't let these pictures fool you as Peter dates only two and a half months.  He's been crawling and pulling himself up on things since Thanksgiving and will stand on his own briefly when concentrating on something else in his hands.  The more spacious house is another tricky part with a  mobile infant around exploring every nook and cranny.  Naturally he watches his big brothers like a hawk and giggles as Clement uses him as a bass drum despite mommy's protests.  He refuses to sit still for a diaper change and has two bottom teeth that broke through late December that will likely be joined by others on the bottom soon.

Enjoy some other random photos of summer shenanigans at the Akron Zoo and in Massillon for a polka jam session.